In the secret

For there is nothing hidden that will not become visible, and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light. -Luke 8:17


I just feel like bringing out into the open how I am feeling right now. I know I need to let these secret feelings that I have pushed back in my heart come to light.


I feel like crap. I feel tired. I feel exhausted. I feel heavy. I feel the endless pit of discontent sucking the life out of me. I feel distant from where I need to be right now. I carry this nagging feeling that something is just not right. I breathe heavily as I write this. There.


That all I can do is surrender all that is within me, good or bad, to the One who would never ever take me for granted... to the One who has my name etched in His heart.. to the One who never forgets.


Lord, take away all that is bothering me right now. Fill me with Your love and peace, which I badly need. Amen.


Ciao!


***
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will



So when You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

All my delight is in You, Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You, Lord, forevermore


None But Jesus
Hillsong

God hears

In his life on earth Jesus made his prayers and requests with loud cries and tears to God, who could save him from death. Because he was humble and devoted, God heard him. -Hebrews 5:7

Lord, hear the cries of our hearts. I lift up to you all my plans and dreams. Thank you for the hope that you have planted in my heart. You make all things possible. Amen.

Today, we started our topic about the sense of hearing. I let my kids listen to different nature sounds and animal sounds, and pointed out how we use our ears to hear. 

Today's reading speaks of a God who hears. He does not only listen with His ears as we normally do, but listens with His heart. He knows our cries. He knows my cries. He knows the joy that comes with a satisfying "Thank You, Lord... much more, the pain that comes with a distressed cry such as "Help me, Lord."

This just reminded me to persist and persevere in prayer. 

Pray unceasingly because He listens.

Ciao!

Grumble not

But on the way, the people lost their patience and spoke against God and Moses. They complained, "Why did you bring us out of Egypt to die in this desert, where there is no food or water? We can't stand any more of this miserable food." -Numbers 21:5

Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.

That's one of the clutters in my life that I so try hard to dispose.

As much as I am a worry-wart, I am also a compulsive complainer. I tend to complain a lot about a lot of stuff. Add to this my patience and temper issues. You would not want to be near me when I am in a bad mood (and PMS-ing). I have warned you.

For instance, just this morning, I brought a car to work. Right after saying my Good Morning, Lord Prayer, bursts of impatience about the slow car before me shot right out of the same mouth! That I found myself saying sorry immediately to God. My temper fumes me up at times.

Or take the case of the busted aircon in school. Oh, you can just imagine the heat and the sweat. It's like a sauna classroom. Who would like to work in such 'desert' of a work place? As much as I don't want my asthmatic kids to get sick because of this, I hate it because it's simply uncomfortable to work in a hot and inappropriately ventilated room. I could rant about this all day, I tell you.

But more than these trivial matters that I grumble about, you may often find me complaining about the long journey and the accompanying "wait" required through this particular desert of my life. Right now, I feel like I am in the same place as the people in Egypt from the passage -- starving, depressed, and feeling deprived from the good life. I realize that I repeatedly utter the same script "Lord, I can't stand any more of this miserable 'food'!" Food, being salary, work load, school work, etcetera... just fill in the blank. "Why, oh, why did I get to this place?!" I usually mumble and ask.

Yet, I am reminded once again to be patient and to trust God with His plans for me. He is telling me to hold on just a little bit longer. After all, the desert and drought are all part of the journey. They are merely passageways going to the abundant land of milk and honey. Come to think of it, a journey would not be a journey if I just magically vanish from point A and magically appear in Canaan at the blink of an eye. Not exciting, right? If it took forty years for Moses and the Israelites to cross the desert, then I know, I, too, will have my own 40 years in the desert until I reach the land of my dreams.

As challenging things may be at times, I have to constantly remind myself that the journey never ends in the desert. That at this point, sand in my shoes should not worry me... it just means I have to press on and move further until I finally set foot on the gates of Eden. The Promised Land will come, eventually, I believe. And yes, I will make sure my dreams do not die in the Sahara in the process.

And so, gathering all the positive energies of the universe, I have come to a resolve. 

Lord, I shall try my best to grumble not. 

Teach me your ways, O, God. Help me to be patient, to persist as I step into the deserts of my life, and be content and remain humble as I wait. Amen.

Ciao!

He does not forget

I am weak and poor, O Lord, but you have not forgotten me. -Psalm 40:17

I have been away for the longest time. Just goes to show how weak and poor I am before my God.

The past weeks, I had been struggling with things within myself and had been busy with a flurry external affairs... that I started to pull away from my Lord and cut my line to Him in the process. Because of that, I felt so distant and unworthy once more... kala ko nag-tampo na Siya sa akin. I had this crazy idea that the Lord was not in speaking terms with me because I just could not feel His presence and decipher His message in His Word... which explains my silence in this blog.

But of course I was wrong to think that the Lord has kept Himself away from me. He is just there, waiting for my return. Just like the Father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son, which was yesterday's gospel. Maybe it was His simple way of telling me, "Trina, uwi ka na."

The Lord really has His ways of pulling me from the pits I dug up myself. I've said this then and again - He never fails to bring me back from the "dead." The passage above is the affirmation that I have been waiting for. Yes, I know and shamefully admit how weak I am, how in a snap, I find myself back to my old ways, my sinful ways. Yet... He does not forget. He never will forget me. I am God's favorite no matter what, no matter what I do or how I turn out to be.

Now, I am back. Back to decluttering my life from the skeletons kept hidden in the secret closet of my heart... from my negative thinking... from my recurrent sins and bad habits. I need to arm myself with a mightier and sturdier broom, which I call "Jesus" to help me sweep away the dust that has been piling up already.

Time to clean up the mess. Time to be restored.

I shall not worry for He makes all things new.

Ciao!

Arise!

I am back from the dead.

New entry coming up in a bit.

Ciao

Soaked in blessings

Simon said in reply, “Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.” When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish and their nets were tearing. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come to help them. They came and filled both boats so that they were in danger of sinking. -Luke 5:5-7

The line of Peter "but at your command I will lower the nets" really stuck to me this morning as I read the entire passage. I realized that a promise had been sandwiched somewhere in between that command addressed to Peter.

At first, I thought how arrogant of Peter to throw at the face of a God their futile attempt to catch fish that night. But the second part of his statement became his saving grace as he willingly submitted to the Lord's command. Maybe the "Simon" side of Peter just went with the flow since there's really no harm in trying, in following this stranger before him or the "Peter" side of him did it out of expectant faith and trust in Jesus. Nobody can really tell, but the important thing is he did as the Lord said even if it may have contradicted what his human brain can take in - that there are simply no fish to catch. And by doing so, whatever it is that motivated him, he was rewarded with more than he ever expected - overflowing fish that filled not one but two boats, to the point that the boats were about to sink.

In the same way, one of the most most challenging things to do in life is to give up our own plans and dreams in order to give way to what the Lord has in store for us. In any case, when we finally submit our selves to the Lord, it may be the Simon side in us who would blindly say, "Bahala ka na, Lord. Whatever goes, I'll follow" or the Peter side in us who would in full trust say, "In faith and gratitude for your wonderful plans for me, I'll follow". Whichever way, for as long as we utter the lines "At your command, I'll follow... I am certain that the Lord will reward us more than we'd ever expect. That's His promise... not one boat of blessings but two and even more, to the point that we'll be sinking into an ocean of blessings.

With that, let me end this entry with some blessings I received today:
- getting several hours of sleep even if I expected to get none last night
- approved leave for tomorrow
- conquering my Res Sem exam
- finishing and submitting my Res Sem Proposal Introduction

Finally! My To-Do list for this semester is finally narrowing down.

Thank You, Dear Lord!

Ciao!

It's time

But Jesus said to them, “To the other towns also I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God, because for this purpose I have been sent." -Luke 4:43

It's time ;)

It's time to proclaim the Good News in "other towns".
It's time to get out of my comfort zone and brave my courage zone.
It's time to open up new avenues of blessings.
It's time that the Lord take me to new territories and horizons.

Greater things are yet to come.

Ciao!