Exercising my writing skills

Stumped. with. my. proposal. Taking a breather.
***

Yesterday, I got to spend my day with Rye. It's been a long time since we last had a "date" cos we've been spending most of our weekends at home cooking and watching DVDs and series (to save money, that's why! Haha.).

After bringing Mommy to her "office" in Makati, I drove to Podium to meet up with Rye where he had brunch with his Nestle batchmates at UCC. Since they were not yet finished, I strolled around the mall for a while and bought myself a couple of shirts from Dorothy Perkins and visited Globe to inquire about the iphone 4. When they were done, I joined them in UCC and strolled around some more to kill time. We said goodbye to Rye's friends from Nestle cos I was getting hungry. Ended up buying "healthy" sandwiches from Subway cos we needed to go to San Carlos for my YE meeting with the youth. Rye got the chicken slices in honey oat sandwich while I got the cheese and steak in Italian bread. I enjoyed mine, but Rye said his tasted too "healthy" for him. Oh well. He eats anything and everything anyway. Haha.

From Podium, we went to San Carlos and I did my thing this time while Rye slept in a corner. Poor him, he got only a couple hours of sleep the night before. When the meeting concluded, we went to Greenbelt to confess and hear mass. The homily of the priest stirred something within me, as if the Lord is telling me to keep the faith and carry on. The gospel was about having faith as small a mustard seed, a passage we all know too well, but often hard to live out. He said something like "you don't have to increase your faith cos you have it in you already, it's God's gift. You just have to increase your faithfulness to God."

After hearing Mass, we zoomed to the cinemas to buy some food before the movie started. We were so hungry. I told Rye that the "Subway" lunch does not fit our lifestyle at all. We ended up buying the Blockbuster Meal (upsize) from NYFD which includes half bacon and egg cheesedog sandwich, a tub of meatball spaghetti, fries with dip and large drink. Rye added another large tub of fries (with 3 dips) only because we were THAT hungry.

Watched Wallstreet and spent half of the time analyzing the business jargon. Rye said I am really a preschool teacher - clueless about those kinds of things. Haha. I missed watching movies (in the movie house) with Rye. I like sitting beside him, holding his hand, and taking occasional glances at him. Makes me fall in love with him more each time. I can still remember our first "official" date when we watched "Mr. Deeds" in Galleria. Prior to that, we watched several movies together, with different dates, that is. Wahaha. Oops. After the movie, I had to rush home cos I was driving alone. Dropped Rye off at Cable Car for the CSA Batch 2000 reunion, for his "me" time.

One thing we realized yesterday is how we have managed to live our own lives (somehow) apart from our relationship. The "we" in us won't really work out if the individual "me" is not satisfied. There seems to be a pattern - when we spend too much together, I become more clingy then he pulls away. After that, we end up fighting. At least for now, especially that we are not yet married, it's good to spend time apart. It's actually healthy... that even if we ever end up marrying each other, Rye already told me that he wants his own "me" room, where he can be himself.

Okay, enough of this. Just a short sharing of my weekend as I was getting board writing about the Developmental Niche framework. Hoohah. Cos today, I have my "me" time, which equivalent to finishing this paper due tomorrow, while Rye is having his as well at the Tattoo shop.

Ciao!

YOU know me

Psalm 139
(1-3, 7-8, 9-10, 13-14)

O Lord, you have probed me and you know me; you know when I sit and when I stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. 
My journeys and my rest you scrutinize, with all my ways you are familiar.


Where can I go from your spirit? from your presence where can I flee? 
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I sink to the nether world, you are present there. 
If I take the wings of the dawn, if I settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall guide me, and your right hand hold me fast.

Truly you have formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I give you thanks that I am fearfully, wonderfully made; wonderful are your works.

Strength

When I called, you answered me; you built up strength within me. -Psalm 138:3

On the way to work this morning, I felt a certain heaviness within.. a feeling I have grown familiar with already. These are the times when my head is plagued with "I should've" thoughts and the usual "what ifs." I know them all too well now.

Though I acknowledged the feeling, I resisted the urge to let the heavy feeling win my day. I texted Rye about it and he made me say his all-time "go to" prayer repeatedly "Jesus, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner." As I walked the steps leading to the school, I prayed the Prayer to Take Authority, which I have memorized from Mommy and Daddy's early BLD days. We used to recite this prayer in the car every time we traveled. Never realized the value of such a powerful prayer until recently. Never been a fan of canned prayers but believe me, whenever I pray this ancient prayer I've learned as a child, I feel like God's cloak of protection embracing my entire being.

The effect was immediate. I called, and God answered me. He built up strength with me instantly. The negative feelings and thoughts slowly melted away and the sight of my kids helped me regain what I thought I've lost that morning - my purpose. How sweet it is whenever I hear them cry out "Teacher Trina!" Packed with tenderness and affection. Bursting with God's love. It fortifies me.

I do what I do because this is what I believe the Lord has called me to do. This is my ministry - kids. Hard to see through this at times but I just surrender to His will and carry on. I know He will surprise me beyond belief one of these days. I can feel it. It is coming.

"Good things come to those who wait." Mico's advice for me today. I'd like to believe so.

Ciao!

Resolutely determined

Jesus was resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem... -Luke 9:51

Determined. This word caught my attention.

Jesus was dead set on His goal, resolutely determined to set forth to Jerusalem where He knew very well He will meet death. What a brave God we have. So willing to die, so willing to walk the path of death that has long been laid out for Him. Yes, He was determined, despite being denied entry to a town leading to His demise, that he persisted in search for another town to pass through going there to face His end.

I guess it is true... When one is set on fulfilling what God has intended for him, there really is no escape, no dead ends, no excuses... only unending alternative paths to be traveled to reach THE ultimate goal. And for Jesus, it was clear from the start. The goal was death - Death on the cross in exchange for our salvation, in exchange for our sins.

As for me, I sometimes catch my faith and determination dwindling as I journey towards that goal. When tough times come, I easily lose heart and waiver in my trust in Him. Yet, I know and believe that this is what the Lord has laid out for me, this is what He has intended me to do. It's time to step up and persist; time to act and find ways.

As this door in front of me is closing, I need to search for alternate paths to THE dream; I need to open new doors that may lead me to THE goal. I know there is no escaping this dream that the Lord has planted in my heart... I must remain determined that it will be fulfilled in God's time, with God's grace.

Eyes on the prize, Trina.

Lord, keep me resolutely determined to reach the goals and traverse the paths you have laid out for me. Allow me to persist in prayer and in faith that all these will come true in Your time. Amen.

Ciao!

You give and take away

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD!” -Job 1:21


I remember the song "Blessed Be Your Name" when I read the last few lines of the reading from the book of Job. - "You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Oh, blessed be Your name." Never really took to heart what these lines meant but learning about the story of Job put everything in context. Job had all that He needed (all of which came from God, of course) but lost all of it in a snap. Yet, His heart was in the right place. Despite the tragedy of losing all, including his livelihood and his family, his heart never faltered one bit as his lips continued to bless the Lord's name. And that is faith.


As for me, whenever it seems like the Lord is "taking away" something from me, my first and usual reaction would be to feel down and to blame Him for my misery. A chain reaction of events follow from this - I sulk. I get depressed. I forget to pray. I lose appetite for His Word. I forget about my God. That is how weak I am. 


Yet, today's Word reminds me to trust in His plans. "Taking away" is not the ending. Taking away is always followed by giving, by blessing. And it is during this period between the taking and the giving that my heart is tested. Just like Job, my heart should not waiver in the midst of famine, in the midst of what I may think of as drought. Because the time will come when I am sure to reap blessings upon blessings from the Lord... when I am ready, when my heart is ready for Him once again.


Right now, I must admit that I am in a period of drought. But I wait upon the Lord and put my trust in Him as I await the outpouring of His blessings. Soon! I know that time is drawing near. I believe in faith that the abundance of rain will eventually come to put an end to the dryness... but before that moment comes, I choose to bask in the grace that comes with waiting. The Lord says, "Wait!" and I shall wait.


In time of receiving and in time of letting go, yes, Jesus, my heart will choose to say, Blessed Be Your Name!


Ciao!

See Jesus

...And he kept trying to see him. -Luke 9:9


One need not look far because Jesus is everywhere... in the form of a student who made me smile today, in my daily dose of hugs that reassures me that He is there, in a text that may be short but oozing with love. God is all around. I just have to open my eyes and heart to His miracles and wonders, and consciously make the effort to not shut Him out of my life... ever. 


I saw Him in Rye. 


I asked for my Doctor to come see me, and He sent His representative to nurse me back to health. 


I saw Him in UP. 


Thank you, Mico, for bringing me to the UP Feast. I needed that talk to remind me that I could not love others if I do not love myself. "An empty heart only gives emptiness." Time to be kind to my dear self.


Right now, I am feeling so much better. My tank has been refilled. My days overflow with heavenly rays once more.


Thank You, Jesus. You are my happiness.


Ciao!

Sick

Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick?" -Matthew 9:12

My nose is itchy. I feel a full-blown cold coming down. I hate the feeling of being sick. I can't go on with my day normally as I would because I have to deal with this - tissue sucking the life out of my nose every minute or so. 

Just as this minor physical infirmity has become the set back of my day, I am struggling with another type of ailment... an ailment of the spirit.

I don't know. I just feel down in the dumps lately. I am not in my emotional best right now. The heaviness persists. It's as if a cloud has been following me around, blocking any tinge of heaven's sunny rays from my sight. My thoughts linger on the seemingly wrong turns I have taken and where these have brought me now.

I am sick. Somebody take me to the ER, please. I need the Lord to revive my soul.

The Lord offers His healing not to the healthy but to the sick, as He promises in His Word today. As much as we need the steady flow of His grace when we are healthy, strong, and happy, when things are going our way, the more we need His healing touch and power to reign in our lives when we are sickly, weak, and drowning in our sinful ways. 

After all, He did not come to call the righteous but sinners.

Lord, I let you be the Doctor of my life. Amen.

Ciao!