Restless Wandering

I've been twisting and turning on my bed for almost an hour now. I couldn't sleep even if I need to and want to. My mind has been wandering. Though I forced my eyes shut, I remain restless in my thoughts.

It's been a long time since I pressed the keys on my laptop for the noble purpose of writing for the sake of writing. Yes, for quite I while, I lost it - lost the habit, lost the drive to write and get lost in sincere contemplation.

Then, the urge nudged my body to get up, turn on my computer, and start typing. I just couldn't resist now.

What have I been up to the past days, weeks... months?

One year of graduate studies, one year of teaching... yes, admittedly, it's starting to lose sparkle. Novelty has faded, and reality has set in... that is why frustration, stress, what ifs and what nots sometimes get in the way and I lose sight of the prize and where I am headed to. But I know I have to carry on... just a little bit longer. I am halfway through this and I will finish the race that I have started.

I have had a lot of things on my mind lately. With only one subject left to take, practicum hours to complete, comprehensive exams to pass, and a thesis to conquer, I am nearly done. This has left me a bit dumbfounded in answering the pervasive question, "What will happen next?" I know I still have over a year to figure this out but I just feel that time is flying by fast and I need to stumble upon the answers that I've been looking for or waiting for soon. Yes, really soon. If not, I'll end up with a panic attack. Desperate times make me panic, as I have proven to myself many times.

This search has made me embark on restless wanderings once more. Lately, I am constantly feeling that itch once again.. that itch to move, to try out new things, to discover new aspects of myself that I never imagined resides within me. I am constantly thinking about what's "out there" for me... what the Lord has left for me to uncover. Don't get me wrong. I am happy where I am and feel truly blessed with the opportunities handed on to me like gifts. Yet, I am not yet content to settle for just this, at this point.

This is not to be mistaken as confusion. I am not confused. I am just open to explore more at the moment. I don't want to box my career or set my life on stone already. I know, I am not yet finished. Teaching is my now, but it can just be a means to a greater end or an end in itself. I have yet to discover. I know Psychology can take me anywhere. And for as long as I hold on to that purpose of reaching out to others and help them discover the vastness and greatness of God's love, I know I'll be fine. My options are endless.

Yes, I've been thinking a lot about the future these days. This is what happens when YOU are away. I tend to drift into deep thought as I revel in the possibilities of a great life ahead. Surprisingly, I am not at all worried about what lies in front of us. I feel hopeful and delighted, actually. The only thing that concerns me is that I be given much time, sufficient opportunities, and the right tools and resources to nurture the dreams that I keep sacred in have in my heart. In faith, the Lord will provide. He always provides.

May all our dreams come true.
They will.
I declare this tonight.
Now, it's time to ACT.

Ciao!

July 15, 2009
12:44am