Exercising my writing skills

Stumped. with. my. proposal. Taking a breather.
***

Yesterday, I got to spend my day with Rye. It's been a long time since we last had a "date" cos we've been spending most of our weekends at home cooking and watching DVDs and series (to save money, that's why! Haha.).

After bringing Mommy to her "office" in Makati, I drove to Podium to meet up with Rye where he had brunch with his Nestle batchmates at UCC. Since they were not yet finished, I strolled around the mall for a while and bought myself a couple of shirts from Dorothy Perkins and visited Globe to inquire about the iphone 4. When they were done, I joined them in UCC and strolled around some more to kill time. We said goodbye to Rye's friends from Nestle cos I was getting hungry. Ended up buying "healthy" sandwiches from Subway cos we needed to go to San Carlos for my YE meeting with the youth. Rye got the chicken slices in honey oat sandwich while I got the cheese and steak in Italian bread. I enjoyed mine, but Rye said his tasted too "healthy" for him. Oh well. He eats anything and everything anyway. Haha.

From Podium, we went to San Carlos and I did my thing this time while Rye slept in a corner. Poor him, he got only a couple hours of sleep the night before. When the meeting concluded, we went to Greenbelt to confess and hear mass. The homily of the priest stirred something within me, as if the Lord is telling me to keep the faith and carry on. The gospel was about having faith as small a mustard seed, a passage we all know too well, but often hard to live out. He said something like "you don't have to increase your faith cos you have it in you already, it's God's gift. You just have to increase your faithfulness to God."

After hearing Mass, we zoomed to the cinemas to buy some food before the movie started. We were so hungry. I told Rye that the "Subway" lunch does not fit our lifestyle at all. We ended up buying the Blockbuster Meal (upsize) from NYFD which includes half bacon and egg cheesedog sandwich, a tub of meatball spaghetti, fries with dip and large drink. Rye added another large tub of fries (with 3 dips) only because we were THAT hungry.

Watched Wallstreet and spent half of the time analyzing the business jargon. Rye said I am really a preschool teacher - clueless about those kinds of things. Haha. I missed watching movies (in the movie house) with Rye. I like sitting beside him, holding his hand, and taking occasional glances at him. Makes me fall in love with him more each time. I can still remember our first "official" date when we watched "Mr. Deeds" in Galleria. Prior to that, we watched several movies together, with different dates, that is. Wahaha. Oops. After the movie, I had to rush home cos I was driving alone. Dropped Rye off at Cable Car for the CSA Batch 2000 reunion, for his "me" time.

One thing we realized yesterday is how we have managed to live our own lives (somehow) apart from our relationship. The "we" in us won't really work out if the individual "me" is not satisfied. There seems to be a pattern - when we spend too much together, I become more clingy then he pulls away. After that, we end up fighting. At least for now, especially that we are not yet married, it's good to spend time apart. It's actually healthy... that even if we ever end up marrying each other, Rye already told me that he wants his own "me" room, where he can be himself.

Okay, enough of this. Just a short sharing of my weekend as I was getting board writing about the Developmental Niche framework. Hoohah. Cos today, I have my "me" time, which equivalent to finishing this paper due tomorrow, while Rye is having his as well at the Tattoo shop.

Ciao!

YOU know me

Psalm 139
(1-3, 7-8, 9-10, 13-14)

O Lord, you have probed me and you know me; you know when I sit and when I stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. 
My journeys and my rest you scrutinize, with all my ways you are familiar.


Where can I go from your spirit? from your presence where can I flee? 
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I sink to the nether world, you are present there. 
If I take the wings of the dawn, if I settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall guide me, and your right hand hold me fast.

Truly you have formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I give you thanks that I am fearfully, wonderfully made; wonderful are your works.

Strength

When I called, you answered me; you built up strength within me. -Psalm 138:3

On the way to work this morning, I felt a certain heaviness within.. a feeling I have grown familiar with already. These are the times when my head is plagued with "I should've" thoughts and the usual "what ifs." I know them all too well now.

Though I acknowledged the feeling, I resisted the urge to let the heavy feeling win my day. I texted Rye about it and he made me say his all-time "go to" prayer repeatedly "Jesus, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner." As I walked the steps leading to the school, I prayed the Prayer to Take Authority, which I have memorized from Mommy and Daddy's early BLD days. We used to recite this prayer in the car every time we traveled. Never realized the value of such a powerful prayer until recently. Never been a fan of canned prayers but believe me, whenever I pray this ancient prayer I've learned as a child, I feel like God's cloak of protection embracing my entire being.

The effect was immediate. I called, and God answered me. He built up strength with me instantly. The negative feelings and thoughts slowly melted away and the sight of my kids helped me regain what I thought I've lost that morning - my purpose. How sweet it is whenever I hear them cry out "Teacher Trina!" Packed with tenderness and affection. Bursting with God's love. It fortifies me.

I do what I do because this is what I believe the Lord has called me to do. This is my ministry - kids. Hard to see through this at times but I just surrender to His will and carry on. I know He will surprise me beyond belief one of these days. I can feel it. It is coming.

"Good things come to those who wait." Mico's advice for me today. I'd like to believe so.

Ciao!

Resolutely determined

Jesus was resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem... -Luke 9:51

Determined. This word caught my attention.

Jesus was dead set on His goal, resolutely determined to set forth to Jerusalem where He knew very well He will meet death. What a brave God we have. So willing to die, so willing to walk the path of death that has long been laid out for Him. Yes, He was determined, despite being denied entry to a town leading to His demise, that he persisted in search for another town to pass through going there to face His end.

I guess it is true... When one is set on fulfilling what God has intended for him, there really is no escape, no dead ends, no excuses... only unending alternative paths to be traveled to reach THE ultimate goal. And for Jesus, it was clear from the start. The goal was death - Death on the cross in exchange for our salvation, in exchange for our sins.

As for me, I sometimes catch my faith and determination dwindling as I journey towards that goal. When tough times come, I easily lose heart and waiver in my trust in Him. Yet, I know and believe that this is what the Lord has laid out for me, this is what He has intended me to do. It's time to step up and persist; time to act and find ways.

As this door in front of me is closing, I need to search for alternate paths to THE dream; I need to open new doors that may lead me to THE goal. I know there is no escaping this dream that the Lord has planted in my heart... I must remain determined that it will be fulfilled in God's time, with God's grace.

Eyes on the prize, Trina.

Lord, keep me resolutely determined to reach the goals and traverse the paths you have laid out for me. Allow me to persist in prayer and in faith that all these will come true in Your time. Amen.

Ciao!

You give and take away

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD!” -Job 1:21


I remember the song "Blessed Be Your Name" when I read the last few lines of the reading from the book of Job. - "You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Oh, blessed be Your name." Never really took to heart what these lines meant but learning about the story of Job put everything in context. Job had all that He needed (all of which came from God, of course) but lost all of it in a snap. Yet, His heart was in the right place. Despite the tragedy of losing all, including his livelihood and his family, his heart never faltered one bit as his lips continued to bless the Lord's name. And that is faith.


As for me, whenever it seems like the Lord is "taking away" something from me, my first and usual reaction would be to feel down and to blame Him for my misery. A chain reaction of events follow from this - I sulk. I get depressed. I forget to pray. I lose appetite for His Word. I forget about my God. That is how weak I am. 


Yet, today's Word reminds me to trust in His plans. "Taking away" is not the ending. Taking away is always followed by giving, by blessing. And it is during this period between the taking and the giving that my heart is tested. Just like Job, my heart should not waiver in the midst of famine, in the midst of what I may think of as drought. Because the time will come when I am sure to reap blessings upon blessings from the Lord... when I am ready, when my heart is ready for Him once again.


Right now, I must admit that I am in a period of drought. But I wait upon the Lord and put my trust in Him as I await the outpouring of His blessings. Soon! I know that time is drawing near. I believe in faith that the abundance of rain will eventually come to put an end to the dryness... but before that moment comes, I choose to bask in the grace that comes with waiting. The Lord says, "Wait!" and I shall wait.


In time of receiving and in time of letting go, yes, Jesus, my heart will choose to say, Blessed Be Your Name!


Ciao!

See Jesus

...And he kept trying to see him. -Luke 9:9


One need not look far because Jesus is everywhere... in the form of a student who made me smile today, in my daily dose of hugs that reassures me that He is there, in a text that may be short but oozing with love. God is all around. I just have to open my eyes and heart to His miracles and wonders, and consciously make the effort to not shut Him out of my life... ever. 


I saw Him in Rye. 


I asked for my Doctor to come see me, and He sent His representative to nurse me back to health. 


I saw Him in UP. 


Thank you, Mico, for bringing me to the UP Feast. I needed that talk to remind me that I could not love others if I do not love myself. "An empty heart only gives emptiness." Time to be kind to my dear self.


Right now, I am feeling so much better. My tank has been refilled. My days overflow with heavenly rays once more.


Thank You, Jesus. You are my happiness.


Ciao!

Sick

Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick?" -Matthew 9:12

My nose is itchy. I feel a full-blown cold coming down. I hate the feeling of being sick. I can't go on with my day normally as I would because I have to deal with this - tissue sucking the life out of my nose every minute or so. 

Just as this minor physical infirmity has become the set back of my day, I am struggling with another type of ailment... an ailment of the spirit.

I don't know. I just feel down in the dumps lately. I am not in my emotional best right now. The heaviness persists. It's as if a cloud has been following me around, blocking any tinge of heaven's sunny rays from my sight. My thoughts linger on the seemingly wrong turns I have taken and where these have brought me now.

I am sick. Somebody take me to the ER, please. I need the Lord to revive my soul.

The Lord offers His healing not to the healthy but to the sick, as He promises in His Word today. As much as we need the steady flow of His grace when we are healthy, strong, and happy, when things are going our way, the more we need His healing touch and power to reign in our lives when we are sickly, weak, and drowning in our sinful ways. 

After all, He did not come to call the righteous but sinners.

Lord, I let you be the Doctor of my life. Amen.

Ciao!

In the secret

For there is nothing hidden that will not become visible, and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light. -Luke 8:17


I just feel like bringing out into the open how I am feeling right now. I know I need to let these secret feelings that I have pushed back in my heart come to light.


I feel like crap. I feel tired. I feel exhausted. I feel heavy. I feel the endless pit of discontent sucking the life out of me. I feel distant from where I need to be right now. I carry this nagging feeling that something is just not right. I breathe heavily as I write this. There.


That all I can do is surrender all that is within me, good or bad, to the One who would never ever take me for granted... to the One who has my name etched in His heart.. to the One who never forgets.


Lord, take away all that is bothering me right now. Fill me with Your love and peace, which I badly need. Amen.


Ciao!


***
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will



So when You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

All my delight is in You, Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You, Lord, forevermore


None But Jesus
Hillsong

God hears

In his life on earth Jesus made his prayers and requests with loud cries and tears to God, who could save him from death. Because he was humble and devoted, God heard him. -Hebrews 5:7

Lord, hear the cries of our hearts. I lift up to you all my plans and dreams. Thank you for the hope that you have planted in my heart. You make all things possible. Amen.

Today, we started our topic about the sense of hearing. I let my kids listen to different nature sounds and animal sounds, and pointed out how we use our ears to hear. 

Today's reading speaks of a God who hears. He does not only listen with His ears as we normally do, but listens with His heart. He knows our cries. He knows my cries. He knows the joy that comes with a satisfying "Thank You, Lord... much more, the pain that comes with a distressed cry such as "Help me, Lord."

This just reminded me to persist and persevere in prayer. 

Pray unceasingly because He listens.

Ciao!

Grumble not

But on the way, the people lost their patience and spoke against God and Moses. They complained, "Why did you bring us out of Egypt to die in this desert, where there is no food or water? We can't stand any more of this miserable food." -Numbers 21:5

Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.

That's one of the clutters in my life that I so try hard to dispose.

As much as I am a worry-wart, I am also a compulsive complainer. I tend to complain a lot about a lot of stuff. Add to this my patience and temper issues. You would not want to be near me when I am in a bad mood (and PMS-ing). I have warned you.

For instance, just this morning, I brought a car to work. Right after saying my Good Morning, Lord Prayer, bursts of impatience about the slow car before me shot right out of the same mouth! That I found myself saying sorry immediately to God. My temper fumes me up at times.

Or take the case of the busted aircon in school. Oh, you can just imagine the heat and the sweat. It's like a sauna classroom. Who would like to work in such 'desert' of a work place? As much as I don't want my asthmatic kids to get sick because of this, I hate it because it's simply uncomfortable to work in a hot and inappropriately ventilated room. I could rant about this all day, I tell you.

But more than these trivial matters that I grumble about, you may often find me complaining about the long journey and the accompanying "wait" required through this particular desert of my life. Right now, I feel like I am in the same place as the people in Egypt from the passage -- starving, depressed, and feeling deprived from the good life. I realize that I repeatedly utter the same script "Lord, I can't stand any more of this miserable 'food'!" Food, being salary, work load, school work, etcetera... just fill in the blank. "Why, oh, why did I get to this place?!" I usually mumble and ask.

Yet, I am reminded once again to be patient and to trust God with His plans for me. He is telling me to hold on just a little bit longer. After all, the desert and drought are all part of the journey. They are merely passageways going to the abundant land of milk and honey. Come to think of it, a journey would not be a journey if I just magically vanish from point A and magically appear in Canaan at the blink of an eye. Not exciting, right? If it took forty years for Moses and the Israelites to cross the desert, then I know, I, too, will have my own 40 years in the desert until I reach the land of my dreams.

As challenging things may be at times, I have to constantly remind myself that the journey never ends in the desert. That at this point, sand in my shoes should not worry me... it just means I have to press on and move further until I finally set foot on the gates of Eden. The Promised Land will come, eventually, I believe. And yes, I will make sure my dreams do not die in the Sahara in the process.

And so, gathering all the positive energies of the universe, I have come to a resolve. 

Lord, I shall try my best to grumble not. 

Teach me your ways, O, God. Help me to be patient, to persist as I step into the deserts of my life, and be content and remain humble as I wait. Amen.

Ciao!

He does not forget

I am weak and poor, O Lord, but you have not forgotten me. -Psalm 40:17

I have been away for the longest time. Just goes to show how weak and poor I am before my God.

The past weeks, I had been struggling with things within myself and had been busy with a flurry external affairs... that I started to pull away from my Lord and cut my line to Him in the process. Because of that, I felt so distant and unworthy once more... kala ko nag-tampo na Siya sa akin. I had this crazy idea that the Lord was not in speaking terms with me because I just could not feel His presence and decipher His message in His Word... which explains my silence in this blog.

But of course I was wrong to think that the Lord has kept Himself away from me. He is just there, waiting for my return. Just like the Father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son, which was yesterday's gospel. Maybe it was His simple way of telling me, "Trina, uwi ka na."

The Lord really has His ways of pulling me from the pits I dug up myself. I've said this then and again - He never fails to bring me back from the "dead." The passage above is the affirmation that I have been waiting for. Yes, I know and shamefully admit how weak I am, how in a snap, I find myself back to my old ways, my sinful ways. Yet... He does not forget. He never will forget me. I am God's favorite no matter what, no matter what I do or how I turn out to be.

Now, I am back. Back to decluttering my life from the skeletons kept hidden in the secret closet of my heart... from my negative thinking... from my recurrent sins and bad habits. I need to arm myself with a mightier and sturdier broom, which I call "Jesus" to help me sweep away the dust that has been piling up already.

Time to clean up the mess. Time to be restored.

I shall not worry for He makes all things new.

Ciao!

Arise!

I am back from the dead.

New entry coming up in a bit.

Ciao

Soaked in blessings

Simon said in reply, “Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.” When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish and their nets were tearing. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come to help them. They came and filled both boats so that they were in danger of sinking. -Luke 5:5-7

The line of Peter "but at your command I will lower the nets" really stuck to me this morning as I read the entire passage. I realized that a promise had been sandwiched somewhere in between that command addressed to Peter.

At first, I thought how arrogant of Peter to throw at the face of a God their futile attempt to catch fish that night. But the second part of his statement became his saving grace as he willingly submitted to the Lord's command. Maybe the "Simon" side of Peter just went with the flow since there's really no harm in trying, in following this stranger before him or the "Peter" side of him did it out of expectant faith and trust in Jesus. Nobody can really tell, but the important thing is he did as the Lord said even if it may have contradicted what his human brain can take in - that there are simply no fish to catch. And by doing so, whatever it is that motivated him, he was rewarded with more than he ever expected - overflowing fish that filled not one but two boats, to the point that the boats were about to sink.

In the same way, one of the most most challenging things to do in life is to give up our own plans and dreams in order to give way to what the Lord has in store for us. In any case, when we finally submit our selves to the Lord, it may be the Simon side in us who would blindly say, "Bahala ka na, Lord. Whatever goes, I'll follow" or the Peter side in us who would in full trust say, "In faith and gratitude for your wonderful plans for me, I'll follow". Whichever way, for as long as we utter the lines "At your command, I'll follow... I am certain that the Lord will reward us more than we'd ever expect. That's His promise... not one boat of blessings but two and even more, to the point that we'll be sinking into an ocean of blessings.

With that, let me end this entry with some blessings I received today:
- getting several hours of sleep even if I expected to get none last night
- approved leave for tomorrow
- conquering my Res Sem exam
- finishing and submitting my Res Sem Proposal Introduction

Finally! My To-Do list for this semester is finally narrowing down.

Thank You, Dear Lord!

Ciao!

It's time

But Jesus said to them, “To the other towns also I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God, because for this purpose I have been sent." -Luke 4:43

It's time ;)

It's time to proclaim the Good News in "other towns".
It's time to get out of my comfort zone and brave my courage zone.
It's time to open up new avenues of blessings.
It's time that the Lord take me to new territories and horizons.

Greater things are yet to come.

Ciao!

Quiet

“Be quiet! Come out of him!” -Luke 4:35

As much as I am forced to keep silent because of my sore throat and croaky voice right now, I believe that the Lord is uttering the same line as in the verse above, with great authority and power, to the green-eyed monsters within me. Yes, they have been silent lately and I am finally at peace. Nothing beats the calm that comes from the Lord.

I know nothing can tear me apart when I am on the Lord's side.

I pray to the heavens that this persists. I admit that I am not the most positive person on this earth but with the Lord's grace, I am trying my best to change my usual ways of thinking... to go beyond my comfort zone and brave the uncertainties in life that often rattle me and get the best of me.

Hope. He gives me hope. He gives me something to look forward to each day. After all, the darkest days become our brightest when we are with God.

Lord, I desire Your comfort and peace. Amen.

Ciao!

Victorious Weekend

On a lighter note, I am just overwhelmed with God's power and grace for what had transpired this weekend. All praises to Him for a very victorious St. Scho LSS # 17!!! Weeeeee!

I thank the Lord for giving me the chance to minister to His lambs. 

Thank You for allowing me to serve You this weekend. I am but an instrument. 

Miracles did happen.

To start off, I woke up worried because my throat hurt and I lost my voice (due to the incessant talking I did during the Parent-Teacher Conference in the preschool). How could I lead if I couldn't talk? I tried singing (yes, feel ko lang kumanta sa umaga! Haha!) but what came out was something like a frog's croak. I was starting to breakdown (especially with the unexpected turn of events care of  my brother, Robby, which I choose not to elaborate on. Haha!), but I tried my best to shoo the negativity and have faith that it will come back and everything will be fine. On the way to the venue, I prayed and surrendered everything to God because I believe that when He appoints, He anoints; He would not let anything go wrong for sure. And lo and behold, the God of wonders just never falls short of that. When I was interceding for the lambs in the Vigil, my throat loosened up and I suddenly found myself singing. Not my normal singing voice but I was not croaking anymore. Tita Marge anointed and prayed over me and I knew I was restored. By the time I got to Kuniberta Hall, I was confident that the Lord would not disappoint. He never does, anyway! I was able to speak clearly during the Baptism and my throat did not hurt at all. Right after, I lost my voice again. If that's not a miracle, I do not know what that is anymore.

During the baptism, it was such a blessing to see the lambs surrender to God. Truly, lives were transformed by His healing power. It was such a beautiful and amazing sight. Lord, You are simply GREAT.

Thank You, Lord, for the gift of service, for this awesome chance to be of service to You. Service to God should never feel like a chore. Because if does, it loses its essence. 

I remember the lines from a song --  "Give and it will come back to you..." Yes, when you give to the Lord, blessings come back to you a hundred, thousand, million fold.

Looking forward to more, Jesus!

Ciao!

Rejected

They rose up, dragged Jesus out of town, and took him to the top of the hill on which their town was built. They meant to throw him over a cliff... -Luke 4:29

Jesus is Rejected at Nazareth.

Imagine Jesus being pushed, dragged, and about to be thrown over a cliff? What a very harsh and ruthless thing to do to anyone... especially if that person does nothing wrong and just says the Truth about who He is. While reading this verse, I saw a vivid image in my head of such thing. It was just plain wrong - doing something like that to a God.

I've never seen the relevance of this passage in my life until today. I knew that every time I chanced upon this story in the Bible before, I easily judged those Nazareans for being so blind, for not seeing Jesus for who He really is... For rejecting a God because of their selfishness and pride.

But this morning, it had a different effect on me. I realized that I am not different from those Nazareans. I actually saw myself, my sinful self in them. I realized that every time I sin, I push Jesus away, the same way they did thousands of years ago. Every time I sin, I drag and force Jesus to the edge of that cliff. Every time I sin, I drive those long nails through His hands and feet. Every time I sin, I reject my loving God.

The verse above was very graphic that I just can't get the scene out of my head. It dawned on me how I have done such act so many times. I imagined myself pushing Jesus (literally) away from my side when all He wants is to be close to me and to love me. I felt guilty and unworthy. I felt sad and ashamed because it seems like I was one of those who conspired about His death on the cross. I was an instrument to the crime that happened 2000 years back. I felt sorry for treating Jesus terribly and inhumanely. He did not, and won't ever deserve anything like that.

"Prophets are never welcomed in their hometown." Yes, I now get what Jesus meant when He said that. He expected the people from His own town, His very own kababayans, to welcome Him with open arms and accept Him as the Messiah BUT they ended up to be the ones who did not want to do anything with Him... that they easily shut Him out from their lives. And when they told Him to ‘Do here in your native place the things that we heard were done in Capernaum.’ Jesus just could not because they were not ready for His miracles and blessings. They were simply not ready for Him.

In the same way,  we, His children, His friends, His brothers and sisters, His beloved, are the ones He expects to love Him completely, to accept Him fully, and to spare Him from any hurt BUT we are the same people who do otherwise. How ironic, right? Just as how easy it is for us to hurt those whom we love most or how easy it is for those who love us most to hurt us (so deeply), it is just so easy to hurt and turn our backs on Jesus when we sin. And whenever we reject Him, we prevent ourselves from seeing His miracles and close ourselves from His blessings. How sad is that?

I am now convicted to be stronger in my faith and to do everything to avoid sin because I just could not take pushing Jesus to the edge of the cliff and dragging Him out of my life. I know it is not easy, especially when I am already at the face of temptation... But every time I reach that crossroad between good and bad, life and sin, I'll remember that image and hopefully, gather the courage to choose life in His fold.

Ciao!

Talents

To one he gave five talents; to another, two; to a third, one to each according to his ability. -Matthew 25:15


Lord, I know You will not give me anything that I cannot bear. I pray that you bless the work of my hands as I help out in building Your Kingdom here on earth. Allow me to grow my talents so that I may glorify you through them. Bless me more so I may bless others more. All that I do is for You. Amen!


Looking forward to a victorious Baptism tomorrow! I believe that at this very moment, healing is taking place, miracles are unfolding. The Lord has already won back the lives of his once lost lambs!


I offer this weekend to my God. As the billboard we saw earlier says, "In all that you do, give glory to God." (1 Corinthians 10:31). You are everything I want and need you to be.


Ciao!

Love language

...that in him you were enriched in every way, with all discourse and all knowledge, as the testimony to Christ was confirmed among you, so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift as you wait for the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ. -1 Corinthians 1:5-7

For some reason, it just popped into my mind this afternoon how our language of love is related to how we serve the Lord through the gifts He has given us. Very timely because the first reading speaks of how God equips us in our service to Him. Thus, when I re-read the readings for today, I got the Lord's confirmation to write about the gifts through which I am able to show my love for Him and serve Him.

I've always said how words are important to me and how I feel love when I receive affirmation from the people I value most, whether verbal or in written form. I am also able to express my love to them in return through words, especially when I write it down. Therefore, I have come to recognize that my primary language of love is WORDS.

In the same way, I just realized that my primary language of love to God is likewise WORDS. Come to think of it, I help in His ministry by leading worship, giving teachings and exhortations, and through what I have been doing in this blog... all of which entail speaking or writing. More so, my job as a preschool teacher, is also one way I get to SPEAK of His love, as I minister to little kids. Add to that my ultimate dream of writing and publishing children's book that, of course, speak the truth about Jesus and God's love. 

When I completed my Five-Year Life Dreams Success Journal (by Bo Sanchez), I came up with my life mission which is:

to use my talents in teaching and writing to serve and touch others so that they may grow in Christ and  live a happy and full life.

I didn't realize then but the two gifts that I wrote down are both related to WORDS. I believe that this is the language through which I am best able to express my love and this applies even to God. Slowly but surely, I am fulfilling this mission in my own little ways. I continue to pray each day to the Lord that He allows me to grow these talents so that I may enrich myself and my loved ones emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and even financially, and serve Him better through what I do.

The language of love-service to God analogy doesn't just apply to me. I see it in Rye, whose primary language of love is SERVICE. As much as he works hard for his loved ones so that he could provide for them and prepare for the future, he gives his all in his work so that he may earn more for the Lord. He has the kindest, most generous heart and he is just ready to give what he has in order to help out in the Lord's ministry, wherever financial help is needed most. 

Another example is Mico, whose primary language of love is also SERVICE. He would wait for me or Robby for hours just so we have a ride going to school or back home. He would go as far as MOA to pick up Robby and drive back to Antipolo if necessary because that's one of the ways he expresses his love to his family. He would even go back home to get a gift for Robby's friend which he forgot to bring even if he was running late for his oral exam. In a similar way, he expresses his love to the Lord by devoting his time and talent in playing the guitar through the Praise/Music Ministry. Wherever the Lord takes him, he would go - from San Carlos, to Makati, to Alabang, to UP, to PICC, or Baguio; Surely, he'll be there to make music for Him.

I used to believe that I did not possess any talent or gift but I now realize that to say that is an insult to our Creator. We are beyond blessed and all the more equipped because it is our primary purpose and goal to serve and glorify our God. We are able to do different things for Him because we love Him, and the best way we express this love is through the language closest to our hearts. If we can show our love to the people dearest to us through this special language, what more to our God?

What's your love language? Do you use it to serve and praise Him? It's time you do. 

Ciao!

Role model

...We wanted to present ourselves as a model for you, so that you might imitate us. -2 Thessalonians 3:9

Today was not the best teaching day for me. I was not in the mood to be all giddy and happy around the kids and was easily irritated and frustrated whenever things did not go as planned. For some reason, I just could not get myself to smile especially if you've got kids throwing tantrums every minute and throwing toys every time you're not looking... that I found myself taking several 5-second breathers outside the classroom. Maybe it's the stress and the lack of sleep already taking their toll on me. Or these things that have been boggling my mind lately. Or oppressions for the upcoming LSS. I don't know.  Admittedly, there are good days and bad days on the job just like any other job in the world.

Yet, reading the Word for today one last time as the day closes in made me realize the importance of my role to these kids, to my toddlers. I am a model for them, and whatever they see in me may have an impact on them especially at this time of impressions. They are like sponges who have the capacity to absorb anything and everything under the sun, and it is my responsibility that they absorb as many good and positive things as they can while they are under my care. If I impart love, they will absorb love and share that love with others as well. If I create a joyful and fun atmosphere in class, they will be happy kids who end up loving school. However, if I maintain a grumpy and irritable attitude as I teach, I will end up with a class full of easily agitated kids. Love begets love. Hate begets hate. 

With that, I ask the Lord to help me be enthusiastic about work each and every day... to be reminded always of my role to these kids and of my purpose in doing what I do. 

So that as I do my job, I may give and not count the cost, toil and not seek for rest, and labor and not ask for any reward because I know that I am doing all these for You, my God.

Ciao!

PS. Please pray with me that I do well in my exam tomorrow :) I'm not used to this anymore. Oh, my! Haha. 

Lord, guide my thoughts as I answer each question. Amen.

God is near

The Lord is near to all who call upon Him... -Psalm 145:18


Even if there are tons to do each day, I'm getting things done and things are slowly falling into place. I'm taking everything in stride... in faith that the Lord will pull me through, no matter what. And because of that, I don't rant as much anymore. I can control negative feelings and thoughts better. I have become more hopeful and less anxious on what tomorrow may bring.


I feel a certain calm at this moment. There's peace in my heart, now that I constantly seek the Lord in prayer and through His Word. It's good to be on His side, don't you think? He is near to those who call upon Him.


Seek Jesus. That's the key.


Ciao!

Have faith. Take courage.

...because your faith flourishes ever more. -2 Thessalonians 1:3

It was heartbreaking to watch the news today. Indeed, heaven is shedding buckets, mourning for the tragedy that had transpired in Quirino Grandstand. Innocent lives claimed, traumatized hearts and spirits remain.

It is during times like this that the Lord calls us to let our faith in Him flourish even more. We might have the usual "Why, Lord?" question plaguing our minds right now. But I am led to hold such thoughts and just go down on my knees and pray for our country, for the hurt, for the bereaved, for the broken, and the lost such as Mendoza.

Our God is bigger than all of this.
Jesus, calm the storm in all of us.

Ciao!

PS. Please pray for Rye who is down with fever right now. He lives alone in Palawan and obviously, I can't fly there tonight.

Lord, please touch Rye with Your healing grace at this very moment. Take care of Him for me. Amen.

Humility

Whoever makes himself great will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be made great. -Matthew 23:12

Lord, teach me to be humble in all that I do... and in my humility, may You always be made great. Amen.

What a long day... but thank you, Lord, for helping me. I feel like I accomplished much. You really are my Superhero. Good thing I wore the shirt today as a constant reminder of your faithfulness. You never fail to lift me up.

Ciao!

Prophesy

August 20 Reflection

God said to me: "Mortal man, prophesy to the wind. Tell the wind that the Sovereign Lord commands it to come from every direction, to breathe into these dead bodies, and to bring them back to life." -Ezekiel 37:9

It is a command: PROPHESY.

The message was clear in the First Reading - the Lord shows us how He has given us the authority to breathe life into our dreams. He tells us to PROPHESY, to expect, to foresee these dreams coming true and it shall be done... just as He used Ezekiel to prophesy to the wind and will it to breathe life into the dead bones in the valley.

There is indeed power in our words and authority in our visions because God himself planted these things in our hearts and is fully capable of making them true. With His grace, our prophesies, our hopes, our plans, our deepest desires shall unravel before our very eyes. He himself says in His Word, "I have promised, and I will do it" (Ezekiel 37:14).

However, we should be clear with our motivations. Unless they are for God, they lose power and essence. They lose significance, and therefore, our attempts to pursue them are and should become futile. 

Think about it... 

Think about those plans that did not push through. Think about the drive that fed those dreams. Nothing can be more frustrating than a failed dream, I know, but in the end, I now realize that the most potent dreams that have full potential to blossom and become real are those that God has planted in the deepest recesses of our hearts, those that He has intimately and lovingly authored in our lives. Those are the dreams that we should should work on. Those are the dreams that we should expect to happen, be it in the near or distant future. All in God's time.

The Lord reminds me (in today's gospel) that I should not forget His greatest commandments as I work on these dreams:

Love God above all (Matthew 22:37)

Love your neighbor as you love (Matthew 22:38)

I know these dreams are possible and will be fulfilled ONLY because they will bring glory to my God. As much as He would help us in each and every step in achieving these dreams,  in all that we do, we must remember that He must be the end goal. He is the ultimate prize.

With that, Lord, I prophesy that these dreams and prayers will be fulfilled in Your own appointed time:

• Maria Anna Katrina M. Fernandez, MA - by 2012
• Put up a Preschool by age 30 - my very own children's ministry where I can continue evangelizing to His beloved (So excited for this!)
• Support a ministry, foundation, cause that aim to help young children and the youth
• Write and publish my own children's books someday (Rye and Robby will be my illustrators)
• Open new income streams - bless me more so I can bless others more
• Get married, have a family of my own. Bless us with healthy, God-fearing kids :)
• Enjoy simple joys with my loves (Lord, if you may, I hope I can see the world with them!)

I also prophesy that my loved ones' dreams and prayers will become a reality through Your generous graces and blessings. 

And yours, too!

Be blessed!

Ciao!

Taking a breather

I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and giving you natural hearts. -Ezekiel 36:26

I am on break. 5-minute break that is. 

The deadline of my PTC reports is tomorrow and I am not yet done. I tried not to cram and started early this week but the load is just heavy. Sometimes I wonder if parents really read and scrutinize these reports. I hope   they do because I really work hard on them. 

I felt the Lord's lambing again today through His Word, particularly in the First Reading from Ezekiel. It's amazing how you get to see the story between God and His people unfold as you read the scriptures each day. No matter how angry God gets for the foolishness and sinfulness of His people, the ending never changes. It's the same each time - God vindicates His people and accepts them with open arms again and again. Yes, again and again and again. That's how GREAT He is. He might have the worst temper in the Old Testament but He never fails to make lambing again to His people by blessing them even more despite the wrong they have done. In the same way, every time I think I fail in His eyes, especially when I sin, He offers me forgiveness even before I ask. He makes this known through His word, through the people around me, and the big and small blessing I continue to receive. He gives me countless chances to redeem myself because I know I am worth a second, a third, a fourth chance and more. 

I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit in you.

God really makes all things new. As I am pressed for time and burdened with these endless tasks, I feel like I am constantly being renewed. He won't let me down. He replaces my bruised heart with a fresh heart filled with hope to carry on. He revives my battered spirit, which gives me a kick to get moving once again. I know I can do this. I can finish this. For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13).

Ciao!

Refreshed

Last night, I slept with a heavy heart as I was feeling burdened with something. There were demands that had to be met, which I believe are beyond what I should be doing. I am giving more than what I should and somehow feel shortchanged. What they are, it doesn't matter anymore. Soon enough, doubt and resentment were starting to creep into my mind again. I just knew I had to shoo those negative thoughts away or else...

Fast forward to this morning, God's little surprise came in the form of Psalm 23. 

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

In verdant pastures he gives me repose; 

beside restful waters he leads me; he refreshes my soul. 

He guides me in right paths for his name’s sake. 

Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; 

for you are at my side with your rod and your staff that give me courage. 

You spread the table before me in the sight of my foes; 

you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

Only goodness and kindness follow me all the days of my life; 

and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for years to come.

I read Psalm 23 on the way to work. I was refreshed in an instant. Each line brought comfort and peace within.

It’s just beautiful how God’s word today made me feel His warm embrace. It was like drinking a cup of hot cocoa, while snuggled up under my comfy blankie with the one I love most on a rainy morning. It brought a fuzzy feeling in my heart, a gentle but reassuring cuddle from Above. He really knows how to make His presence known to those whom He loves. I’m just glad and filled with gratitude to have a God who loves me and cares for me deeply ; a God who guides me and protects me; a God who promises to fill my cup to the brim. 

My cup overflows. That's His promise, and in faith, I believe. I have nothing to fear for only goodness and kindness follow me.

Just as last night, every time negative feelings start to cover the sunshine, I call unto Him and tell Him to fill my heart with His light once more. Every time I go back to my old ways of thinking and living, He redirects my path and becomes my saving grace. 

God is faithful indeed to His promises. I know my God is always ready and willing to look for me and look after me, His (once) one lost lamb, no matter what. That verse in Ezekiel really struck me. For He said "I myself will look after and tend my sheep" (Ezekiel 34:11). He himself. No one else. Because I am THAT special :)

***

In the same way that the Lord is my shepherd, I pray that He makes me His worthy and prepared undershepherd this coming St. Scho LSS. I am putting on my full "Jesus" gear because I know the battle is already taking place. 

Lord Jesus, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Please fill me with your peace, love, hope and wisdom so I may minister to your lambs. Protect me from the evil one and keep me focused on You alone, Lord. Use me as you please. I am yours. Amen!

Ciao!

Overwhelmed

“For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.” - Matthew 19:26


I am getting overwhelmed by the things I need to accomplish this week and the next. I just wonder why everything has to happen this August - PTC, Proposal Deadlines, Res Sem Exam, St. Scho LSS.


I have started my PTC reports but have a long way to go.
I have started my Proposal Intro but have pages and pages (and pages and pages) to fill out.
I have started reading my Res Sem book but I barely remember anything.
I have started preparing for the St. Scho Baptism (Yes, I have a line-up. That's it. Haha.) but everything's still vague for now.


Unaccomplished tasks that need to be crossed out from my To-Do list ASAP.


For the simple human being that I am, such great tasks are daunting. 


But in faith, with the help of my God, my awesome, ever-faithful, loving God, I can do this. For nothing is impossible with You, Lord.


And I just realize now that my August is about to end with a BANG. I'm going to end it giving Glory to Him! 


Thank you for choosing me, Lord, to minister to your St. Scho Lambs. It is not easy, I know. But I am merely an instrument. Use me as a vessel of Your love and grace. Bless my hands, my heart, my mind, and my spirit so that in all that I do, You, and only You may be glorified.


I also seek your help in praying with and for Rye. He's got a lot of things on his mind right now, especially about work. 


Lord Jesus, I pray that you bless Rye. Fill him with your love, your wisdom and your strength so he may go through each day boldly and full of faith in what You can do. I lift up to You all our petitions and the dreams that you have etched in our hearts. We claim that each one will be answered and fulfilled in your appointed time. 


Amen. A resounding AMEN to that.


Time to get back to work. Slowly but surely, I am moving. Let's get things done, Lord.


Ciao!

Let go

...Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me. -Matthew 19:21

Follow me.

Lord, I cast all my cares upon you. In faith, You know what's best for me. You are a God who provides. Give me the grace to trust in your provisions... to let go of the unnecessary... to surrender the excesses. Fill my heart with contentment and gratitude for all the blessings that you continue to bestow. Amen

Ciao!

7:03 PM 

August 16, 2010