Strength

When I called, you answered me; you built up strength within me. -Psalm 138:3

On the way to work this morning, I felt a certain heaviness within.. a feeling I have grown familiar with already. These are the times when my head is plagued with "I should've" thoughts and the usual "what ifs." I know them all too well now.

Though I acknowledged the feeling, I resisted the urge to let the heavy feeling win my day. I texted Rye about it and he made me say his all-time "go to" prayer repeatedly "Jesus, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner." As I walked the steps leading to the school, I prayed the Prayer to Take Authority, which I have memorized from Mommy and Daddy's early BLD days. We used to recite this prayer in the car every time we traveled. Never realized the value of such a powerful prayer until recently. Never been a fan of canned prayers but believe me, whenever I pray this ancient prayer I've learned as a child, I feel like God's cloak of protection embracing my entire being.

The effect was immediate. I called, and God answered me. He built up strength with me instantly. The negative feelings and thoughts slowly melted away and the sight of my kids helped me regain what I thought I've lost that morning - my purpose. How sweet it is whenever I hear them cry out "Teacher Trina!" Packed with tenderness and affection. Bursting with God's love. It fortifies me.

I do what I do because this is what I believe the Lord has called me to do. This is my ministry - kids. Hard to see through this at times but I just surrender to His will and carry on. I know He will surprise me beyond belief one of these days. I can feel it. It is coming.

"Good things come to those who wait." Mico's advice for me today. I'd like to believe so.

Ciao!

Resolutely determined

Jesus was resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem... -Luke 9:51

Determined. This word caught my attention.

Jesus was dead set on His goal, resolutely determined to set forth to Jerusalem where He knew very well He will meet death. What a brave God we have. So willing to die, so willing to walk the path of death that has long been laid out for Him. Yes, He was determined, despite being denied entry to a town leading to His demise, that he persisted in search for another town to pass through going there to face His end.

I guess it is true... When one is set on fulfilling what God has intended for him, there really is no escape, no dead ends, no excuses... only unending alternative paths to be traveled to reach THE ultimate goal. And for Jesus, it was clear from the start. The goal was death - Death on the cross in exchange for our salvation, in exchange for our sins.

As for me, I sometimes catch my faith and determination dwindling as I journey towards that goal. When tough times come, I easily lose heart and waiver in my trust in Him. Yet, I know and believe that this is what the Lord has laid out for me, this is what He has intended me to do. It's time to step up and persist; time to act and find ways.

As this door in front of me is closing, I need to search for alternate paths to THE dream; I need to open new doors that may lead me to THE goal. I know there is no escaping this dream that the Lord has planted in my heart... I must remain determined that it will be fulfilled in God's time, with God's grace.

Eyes on the prize, Trina.

Lord, keep me resolutely determined to reach the goals and traverse the paths you have laid out for me. Allow me to persist in prayer and in faith that all these will come true in Your time. Amen.

Ciao!

You give and take away

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD!” -Job 1:21


I remember the song "Blessed Be Your Name" when I read the last few lines of the reading from the book of Job. - "You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Oh, blessed be Your name." Never really took to heart what these lines meant but learning about the story of Job put everything in context. Job had all that He needed (all of which came from God, of course) but lost all of it in a snap. Yet, His heart was in the right place. Despite the tragedy of losing all, including his livelihood and his family, his heart never faltered one bit as his lips continued to bless the Lord's name. And that is faith.


As for me, whenever it seems like the Lord is "taking away" something from me, my first and usual reaction would be to feel down and to blame Him for my misery. A chain reaction of events follow from this - I sulk. I get depressed. I forget to pray. I lose appetite for His Word. I forget about my God. That is how weak I am. 


Yet, today's Word reminds me to trust in His plans. "Taking away" is not the ending. Taking away is always followed by giving, by blessing. And it is during this period between the taking and the giving that my heart is tested. Just like Job, my heart should not waiver in the midst of famine, in the midst of what I may think of as drought. Because the time will come when I am sure to reap blessings upon blessings from the Lord... when I am ready, when my heart is ready for Him once again.


Right now, I must admit that I am in a period of drought. But I wait upon the Lord and put my trust in Him as I await the outpouring of His blessings. Soon! I know that time is drawing near. I believe in faith that the abundance of rain will eventually come to put an end to the dryness... but before that moment comes, I choose to bask in the grace that comes with waiting. The Lord says, "Wait!" and I shall wait.


In time of receiving and in time of letting go, yes, Jesus, my heart will choose to say, Blessed Be Your Name!


Ciao!

See Jesus

...And he kept trying to see him. -Luke 9:9


One need not look far because Jesus is everywhere... in the form of a student who made me smile today, in my daily dose of hugs that reassures me that He is there, in a text that may be short but oozing with love. God is all around. I just have to open my eyes and heart to His miracles and wonders, and consciously make the effort to not shut Him out of my life... ever. 


I saw Him in Rye. 


I asked for my Doctor to come see me, and He sent His representative to nurse me back to health. 


I saw Him in UP. 


Thank you, Mico, for bringing me to the UP Feast. I needed that talk to remind me that I could not love others if I do not love myself. "An empty heart only gives emptiness." Time to be kind to my dear self.


Right now, I am feeling so much better. My tank has been refilled. My days overflow with heavenly rays once more.


Thank You, Jesus. You are my happiness.


Ciao!

Sick

Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick?" -Matthew 9:12

My nose is itchy. I feel a full-blown cold coming down. I hate the feeling of being sick. I can't go on with my day normally as I would because I have to deal with this - tissue sucking the life out of my nose every minute or so. 

Just as this minor physical infirmity has become the set back of my day, I am struggling with another type of ailment... an ailment of the spirit.

I don't know. I just feel down in the dumps lately. I am not in my emotional best right now. The heaviness persists. It's as if a cloud has been following me around, blocking any tinge of heaven's sunny rays from my sight. My thoughts linger on the seemingly wrong turns I have taken and where these have brought me now.

I am sick. Somebody take me to the ER, please. I need the Lord to revive my soul.

The Lord offers His healing not to the healthy but to the sick, as He promises in His Word today. As much as we need the steady flow of His grace when we are healthy, strong, and happy, when things are going our way, the more we need His healing touch and power to reign in our lives when we are sickly, weak, and drowning in our sinful ways. 

After all, He did not come to call the righteous but sinners.

Lord, I let you be the Doctor of my life. Amen.

Ciao!

In the secret

For there is nothing hidden that will not become visible, and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light. -Luke 8:17


I just feel like bringing out into the open how I am feeling right now. I know I need to let these secret feelings that I have pushed back in my heart come to light.


I feel like crap. I feel tired. I feel exhausted. I feel heavy. I feel the endless pit of discontent sucking the life out of me. I feel distant from where I need to be right now. I carry this nagging feeling that something is just not right. I breathe heavily as I write this. There.


That all I can do is surrender all that is within me, good or bad, to the One who would never ever take me for granted... to the One who has my name etched in His heart.. to the One who never forgets.


Lord, take away all that is bothering me right now. Fill me with Your love and peace, which I badly need. Amen.


Ciao!


***
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will



So when You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

All my delight is in You, Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You, Lord, forevermore


None But Jesus
Hillsong

God hears

In his life on earth Jesus made his prayers and requests with loud cries and tears to God, who could save him from death. Because he was humble and devoted, God heard him. -Hebrews 5:7

Lord, hear the cries of our hearts. I lift up to you all my plans and dreams. Thank you for the hope that you have planted in my heart. You make all things possible. Amen.

Today, we started our topic about the sense of hearing. I let my kids listen to different nature sounds and animal sounds, and pointed out how we use our ears to hear. 

Today's reading speaks of a God who hears. He does not only listen with His ears as we normally do, but listens with His heart. He knows our cries. He knows my cries. He knows the joy that comes with a satisfying "Thank You, Lord... much more, the pain that comes with a distressed cry such as "Help me, Lord."

This just reminded me to persist and persevere in prayer. 

Pray unceasingly because He listens.

Ciao!

Grumble not

But on the way, the people lost their patience and spoke against God and Moses. They complained, "Why did you bring us out of Egypt to die in this desert, where there is no food or water? We can't stand any more of this miserable food." -Numbers 21:5

Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.

That's one of the clutters in my life that I so try hard to dispose.

As much as I am a worry-wart, I am also a compulsive complainer. I tend to complain a lot about a lot of stuff. Add to this my patience and temper issues. You would not want to be near me when I am in a bad mood (and PMS-ing). I have warned you.

For instance, just this morning, I brought a car to work. Right after saying my Good Morning, Lord Prayer, bursts of impatience about the slow car before me shot right out of the same mouth! That I found myself saying sorry immediately to God. My temper fumes me up at times.

Or take the case of the busted aircon in school. Oh, you can just imagine the heat and the sweat. It's like a sauna classroom. Who would like to work in such 'desert' of a work place? As much as I don't want my asthmatic kids to get sick because of this, I hate it because it's simply uncomfortable to work in a hot and inappropriately ventilated room. I could rant about this all day, I tell you.

But more than these trivial matters that I grumble about, you may often find me complaining about the long journey and the accompanying "wait" required through this particular desert of my life. Right now, I feel like I am in the same place as the people in Egypt from the passage -- starving, depressed, and feeling deprived from the good life. I realize that I repeatedly utter the same script "Lord, I can't stand any more of this miserable 'food'!" Food, being salary, work load, school work, etcetera... just fill in the blank. "Why, oh, why did I get to this place?!" I usually mumble and ask.

Yet, I am reminded once again to be patient and to trust God with His plans for me. He is telling me to hold on just a little bit longer. After all, the desert and drought are all part of the journey. They are merely passageways going to the abundant land of milk and honey. Come to think of it, a journey would not be a journey if I just magically vanish from point A and magically appear in Canaan at the blink of an eye. Not exciting, right? If it took forty years for Moses and the Israelites to cross the desert, then I know, I, too, will have my own 40 years in the desert until I reach the land of my dreams.

As challenging things may be at times, I have to constantly remind myself that the journey never ends in the desert. That at this point, sand in my shoes should not worry me... it just means I have to press on and move further until I finally set foot on the gates of Eden. The Promised Land will come, eventually, I believe. And yes, I will make sure my dreams do not die in the Sahara in the process.

And so, gathering all the positive energies of the universe, I have come to a resolve. 

Lord, I shall try my best to grumble not. 

Teach me your ways, O, God. Help me to be patient, to persist as I step into the deserts of my life, and be content and remain humble as I wait. Amen.

Ciao!

He does not forget

I am weak and poor, O Lord, but you have not forgotten me. -Psalm 40:17

I have been away for the longest time. Just goes to show how weak and poor I am before my God.

The past weeks, I had been struggling with things within myself and had been busy with a flurry external affairs... that I started to pull away from my Lord and cut my line to Him in the process. Because of that, I felt so distant and unworthy once more... kala ko nag-tampo na Siya sa akin. I had this crazy idea that the Lord was not in speaking terms with me because I just could not feel His presence and decipher His message in His Word... which explains my silence in this blog.

But of course I was wrong to think that the Lord has kept Himself away from me. He is just there, waiting for my return. Just like the Father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son, which was yesterday's gospel. Maybe it was His simple way of telling me, "Trina, uwi ka na."

The Lord really has His ways of pulling me from the pits I dug up myself. I've said this then and again - He never fails to bring me back from the "dead." The passage above is the affirmation that I have been waiting for. Yes, I know and shamefully admit how weak I am, how in a snap, I find myself back to my old ways, my sinful ways. Yet... He does not forget. He never will forget me. I am God's favorite no matter what, no matter what I do or how I turn out to be.

Now, I am back. Back to decluttering my life from the skeletons kept hidden in the secret closet of my heart... from my negative thinking... from my recurrent sins and bad habits. I need to arm myself with a mightier and sturdier broom, which I call "Jesus" to help me sweep away the dust that has been piling up already.

Time to clean up the mess. Time to be restored.

I shall not worry for He makes all things new.

Ciao!

Arise!

I am back from the dead.

New entry coming up in a bit.

Ciao

Soaked in blessings

Simon said in reply, “Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.” When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish and their nets were tearing. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come to help them. They came and filled both boats so that they were in danger of sinking. -Luke 5:5-7

The line of Peter "but at your command I will lower the nets" really stuck to me this morning as I read the entire passage. I realized that a promise had been sandwiched somewhere in between that command addressed to Peter.

At first, I thought how arrogant of Peter to throw at the face of a God their futile attempt to catch fish that night. But the second part of his statement became his saving grace as he willingly submitted to the Lord's command. Maybe the "Simon" side of Peter just went with the flow since there's really no harm in trying, in following this stranger before him or the "Peter" side of him did it out of expectant faith and trust in Jesus. Nobody can really tell, but the important thing is he did as the Lord said even if it may have contradicted what his human brain can take in - that there are simply no fish to catch. And by doing so, whatever it is that motivated him, he was rewarded with more than he ever expected - overflowing fish that filled not one but two boats, to the point that the boats were about to sink.

In the same way, one of the most most challenging things to do in life is to give up our own plans and dreams in order to give way to what the Lord has in store for us. In any case, when we finally submit our selves to the Lord, it may be the Simon side in us who would blindly say, "Bahala ka na, Lord. Whatever goes, I'll follow" or the Peter side in us who would in full trust say, "In faith and gratitude for your wonderful plans for me, I'll follow". Whichever way, for as long as we utter the lines "At your command, I'll follow... I am certain that the Lord will reward us more than we'd ever expect. That's His promise... not one boat of blessings but two and even more, to the point that we'll be sinking into an ocean of blessings.

With that, let me end this entry with some blessings I received today:
- getting several hours of sleep even if I expected to get none last night
- approved leave for tomorrow
- conquering my Res Sem exam
- finishing and submitting my Res Sem Proposal Introduction

Finally! My To-Do list for this semester is finally narrowing down.

Thank You, Dear Lord!

Ciao!

It's time

But Jesus said to them, “To the other towns also I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God, because for this purpose I have been sent." -Luke 4:43

It's time ;)

It's time to proclaim the Good News in "other towns".
It's time to get out of my comfort zone and brave my courage zone.
It's time to open up new avenues of blessings.
It's time that the Lord take me to new territories and horizons.

Greater things are yet to come.

Ciao!